Posted in life journey

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER PANIC

So I have been mostly writing regarding my daughters anxiety as it’s been the most troublesome lately but, my son who is 10 also is a sufferer. He has always been attached to me since a baby when I used to even go to get groceries it was an ordeal. He has slept over at grandparents houses maybe a handful of times if that much only if it was absolutely necessary, otherwise we would get a call wanting us to go get him.

School was not his favourite but he did go on regular basis and I worked out of the home when he was young. Daycare was a challenge as he didn’t’t want to go and it was a heart break everyday back then Emma was very social and had no troubles going here and there liked school because it was so social, not because she loved the work.

Around grade 1 he started having trouble there was a bully who picked on everyone. Corbin is very much a rules guy and the rule was you couldn’t fight back so he put up with it for a bit and I spoke to the teacher who didn’t said she watched them a didn’t see anything but, it continued and not just to Corbin this was a kid who was often suspended and in trouble. So I wrote to the teacher and she called up Corbin and the bully at the same time and had a chat of course the bully denied it and started to cry and Corbin wouldn’t say anything I mean would you? So after that he lost trust in his teacher and being comfortable in going to her for anything which I understood. We gave him permission many times to defend himself whenever he needed to but, he couldn’t seem to get over the rules.

Grade 2 he had the most amazing teacher and he went to school with no arguments or fights. He had the courage to stand up to the bully and did with no further worry of him bugging him anymore and stuck up for his friends as well. I was hopeful things were turning around. He has always played Lacrosse and has had a lot of compliments that he plays beyond his years and has the hands, knowledge and feet for the game but, lacking the aggressiveness to get after the ball and play defense well and again that’s where the tricky rules come in he doesn’t want to get a penalty or hurt someone by mistake.

Grade 3 was okay not the same teacher and he wasn’t sure of her the only thing he liked was that she used him for all gym sports demonstrations. Near the end I could hardly get him to go for a full week and it was mentioned to me they had a school counselor, I should call the VP and book and appointment for Corbin to see her before school was over to get him at least seen a couple times and set up for next year. So I called and he saw her 1 was supposed to be more but, I couldn’t get him there. Summer vacation was not to bad he usually does a lacrosse camp and NLL players run it so he likes to go hang out see them and hang out. It was even hard to get him up near the end for that and that was not him at all.

Grade 4 the present and the hardest! It started off pretty good then down to about 4 times a week. After Christmas break he was refereed to a Mental Health Nurse to try and help him. Corbin is extremely stubborn, I could yell, cry, take everything away and he still would not budge from his bed if he didn’t want to go to school. Or he would go out the door and then just push his way back in and I could not convince him to get on the bus. Working from home makes that difficult as well because he knows I’m here. It went from 4 days to 3 days and it was a lot of stomach aches and then he would be totally fine later in the day. So there was a lot of explaining of faking it and getting his PS4 taken away and talking about the importance of school. We had to get his stomach tested and blood work done to rule out physical and then start the mental process. Now I’m lucky on 2 days a week last week he cried every morning when it was time to go to the bus. He had pneumonia for a week then he didn’t go for a week and not again today. So we also have him meeting with another lady that’s going to help him with day to day dealings and how to express things into words. He tends to sit in complete silence so he teachers of course think it’s awesome but missing the signs. He has also started to become paranoid and very worried if there are to many people or someone is walking behind us. Loud noises also.

All this with both kids is stressful and heartbreaking. When you are struggling daily with your own Anxiety, Depression and feeling unwell it’s truly exhausting and I constantly feel lost, guilty and helpless. I know they each have a team of people trying to help them through it all but, at home I try it just can be overwhelming. I know from experience if you let it consume you you lose so very much.

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Posted in anxiety, dance, depression, family, guilt of passing on anxiety to kids, helping kids anxiety, helping kids depression, kids, kids anxiety, kids depression, kids eating, kids mental health, life journey, mental health

Living with Anxiety and Trying to help two kids through it.

So as most may know I have anxiety and depression recently it has gotten worse and I have been told that I don’t seem like I want to get better or be happy anymore. I must admit that lately I have not been the best at caring for myself and my anxiety and stress has made me feel so unwell and quiet and distant. I am not totally sure why before all this I am about to say as I just can’t remember not putting myself first.

So both my kids have been dealing with anxiety, missing school, counsellors, meetings and me feeling helpless. Emma is in her first year of High School and they have different rules then elementary school as far as attendance and marks. We have recieved two letters from the school board regarding Emma and her time away from her classroom. They need a certain amount of classroom time as well as schoolwork hours. She has missed a lot of school so far this term, to even get her out of bed in time or she wakes up feeling sick or misses the bus. I managed to get her to school for three days only because her brother was sick so I was home and drove her myself. She worked in resource and spoke to the school’s chaplin. When home she had a therapy session she seemed to perk up after that so I was hoping that would encourage her to go to school but, nope I’m feeling a bit lost and guilty I don’t really know how to help push her through her first steps in the morning. I had to get a medical note from the doc. for the school so the board won’t audit the school and ask why she passed if she gets the marks up. Everytime I call the secretary I get anxious but my baby girl needs to come first and that’s what I have to keep thinking.

As for her dancing and her hip injury and physio. Well last dance comp. She danced 4 dances and did well she is going to dance in this next dance competition all 7 I’m really hoping her hip can take it. I worry about her because we where told that no one was replacing her in the dances she couldn’t do so there was less pressure for her to dance and metal next comp. So her contemporary dance she was just scratched, Lyrical she was replaced by another dancer and Emma was so happy because she was younger and super excited. The Musical Theater and Hip Hop her teacher and studio owner took over. The Musical Theater won Platinum and a points trophy award as they are taking crazy pics of the trophy Emma went downstairs because she just felt conflicted. Now I really worry if when she does the dance and they don’t receive the same high mark are they going to blame Emma? she also stepped into hip hop where there was not any extra needed as there is no solo work and a big group. I feel she just does not want to give up dancing yet but she is hurting people when that is happening.

Her french called me. Right now she is sitting at a 20% and I think this is a huge overwhelming factor in her life right know. The school chaplin said there might be away we can drop french and find something else she can get a credit for. I will have to try and have time to call or meet with the vice principle, chaplin, resource, guidance counsellors to see if at this late in the year it is possible. Hopefully that will help with one worry and lesson some of her anxiousness. She has already lost contact with friends and used to hardly ever be home and now seems to want to always be home. It is heartbreaking to watch them struggle through. When you are a parent dealing with the same issues you think it would be easier but, apparantly it is not.

Posted in life journey

WHAT HAPPENED?

Well it’s been forever as I am a terrible blogger apparently not much of a rockstar at affiliate marketing either.

So feeling really overwhelmed these day’s both my kids are suffering with anxiety and it is so very hard to see also frustrating. I do feel guilty as it was probably my gene that passed it along and seeing my tendencies even though I thought I hide it well maybe just not good enough.

My daughter is 14 and I know I have written about her being a dancer, starting grade 9 and having a really hard time with change. It sure has not gotten any better. She has however been referred to a much better Mental Heath nurse that puts things into motion and really looks out for her. We just had a meeting with her school counselor, Mental Health Nurse and Vice Principle last week she has missed so much school the more she stays home the more panicking she does about going back to school. Right now she is worrying and overwhelmed of the work she is missing and going to have to catch up on. She worries what people will think, say so much judgment. The vice principal said he will talk to her teachers and let them know she is struggling and she may need some extra time and some times she may need to leave the class and work elsewhere. It’s up to Emma how much she wants to tell them. The counselor’s where very supportive told her they had her back and what days they where in the school and what to do, who to go see when the where not.

Dance of course is her outlet she has already had a competition and this is her first year doing duets so it’s pretty stressful and exciting all at once. The only problem know is she is noticing that the Studio is staring to show favouritism and it hurts her very much and she feels very left out. It’s a really small team so things like that get noticed and quickly.

I have hope and faith in her that she can pull through with so much support behind her. It’s just she has to make those couple first steps herself and they seem to be the hardest.