So as most may know I have anxiety and depression recently it has gotten worse and I have been told that I don’t seem like I want to get better or be happy anymore. I must admit that lately I have not been the best at caring for myself and my anxiety and stress has made me feel so unwell and quiet and distant. I am not totally sure why before all this I am about to say as I just can’t remember not putting myself first.
So both my kids have been dealing with anxiety, missing school, counsellors, meetings and me feeling helpless. Emma is in her first year of High School and they have different rules then elementary school as far as attendance and marks. We have recieved two letters from the school board regarding Emma and her time away from her classroom. They need a certain amount of classroom time as well as schoolwork hours. She has missed a lot of school so far this term, to even get her out of bed in time or she wakes up feeling sick or misses the bus. I managed to get her to school for three days only because her brother was sick so I was home and drove her myself. She worked in resource and spoke to the school’s chaplin. When home she had a therapy session she seemed to perk up after that so I was hoping that would encourage her to go to school but, nope I’m feeling a bit lost and guilty I don’t really know how to help push her through her first steps in the morning. I had to get a medical note from the doc. for the school so the board won’t audit the school and ask why she passed if she gets the marks up. Everytime I call the secretary I get anxious but my baby girl needs to come first and that’s what I have to keep thinking.
As for her dancing and her hip injury and physio. Well last dance comp. She danced 4 dances and did well she is going to dance in this next dance competition all 7 I’m really hoping her hip can take it. I worry about her because we where told that no one was replacing her in the dances she couldn’t do so there was less pressure for her to dance and metal next comp. So her contemporary dance she was just scratched, Lyrical she was replaced by another dancer and Emma was so happy because she was younger and super excited. The Musical Theater and Hip Hop her teacher and studio owner took over. The Musical Theater won Platinum and a points trophy award as they are taking crazy pics of the trophy Emma went downstairs because she just felt conflicted. Now I really worry if when she does the dance and they don’t receive the same high mark are they going to blame Emma? she also stepped into hip hop where there was not any extra needed as there is no solo work and a big group. I feel she just does not want to give up dancing yet but she is hurting people when that is happening.
Her french called me. Right now she is sitting at a 20% and I think this is a huge overwhelming factor in her life right know. The school chaplin said there might be away we can drop french and find something else she can get a credit for. I will have to try and have time to call or meet with the vice principle, chaplin, resource, guidance counsellors to see if at this late in the year it is possible. Hopefully that will help with one worry and lesson some of her anxiousness. She has already lost contact with friends and used to hardly ever be home and now seems to want to always be home. It is heartbreaking to watch them struggle through. When you are a parent dealing with the same issues you think it would be easier but, apparantly it is not.